Happy Birthday Mama

Dear Mama,

Today is your birthday. A day I am grateful for every year, but this year especially so. It’s no secret it’s been an incredibly tough year. Between loss, and devastation we have had our fill. But the hardest part of this year was coming so close to losing you. I want to tell you I am proud of you. Your strength continues to shine through even the toughest times and your grace carries you through it all so beautifully. I know this year you have lost so much of who you are with the sudden loss of your brothers. I hate that you have to deal with that emptiness and the regret you have of not being there to see them go, but Mama, the most important thing is that you are here. I wake up every day and thank the Good Lord for giving us more time with you. Like Papa said to you that day “I’m not done loving you.” None of us are.

Mama, Thank you. For all, you are to my family- my siblings- to me. There are so many memories I look back on and smile for. Me being your co-pilot when we took road trips, working with you that summer and of course all the times as a little girl you let me snuggle into your lap. You never had to say a word, but I knew you were present at that moment, and I didn’t need anything else. I hope my kids feel that same love when they snuggle me. I remember the smell of your hands when you came home from work and peaked on me to be sure I was covered up. I remember loving to hear you sing as we drove anywhere. You always sang mama, and it was beautiful. Thank you for love of all things music from Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass to Bob Seger, Classic Country to folk music. It all makes me thinking of you. Even if at times we gave you a hard time about your taste in music, we loved every minute of it. The song

I sing to Ella- “Little LaLa” is derived from a song you loved- Little Boxes.

I look back on so many things and don’t know how you did it all. You have told me all week how busy I am, but so were you. You were busy doing laundry, cleaning, mowing, making ends meet for us, and I don’t know how you did it. You’re a superhero mom. You always had our best interests in mind and put yourself last. I am sorry I didn’t know then what I know now. That I probably didn’t need to take dance, the $10.00 you sent me to tournaments with was plenty, even though I told you otherwise. Everything you did was with love, and I know you always did it to make us smile, to be sure we were happy. We may not have had much, and things may have been difficult, but I tell everyone that I had the best childhood. There was no lack of love in my life because you taught us all how. The funny thing about all of this mom is that I know you are thinking…. ”it’s just what you do, you figure it out.” I wish I could see that right now in the middle of this chaos, but I am trusting the lessons you taught me and that is what is getting me through.

Happy Birthday, Mama, I will forever be grateful for our talks, especially this week. You are helping me to be strong in a time I never thought I would face. You are continuing to teach me, even if you didn’t know it. Having you here with me this week has been a blessing for me. Your guidance, your hugs, and coming home knowing that my kids have been loved so much all day. It brings peace to my heart that I so desperately need right now. Thank you for all you are, mom. I love you so much. Happy Birthday.