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Writer's pictureBeth Stephenson

In Good Times, and In Bad.

Marriage is work. We hear it everyday. But, you don't realize it until your faced with the labor you didn't think would ever exist. I always wondered how loving someone wasn't enough, how could it be work? Don't you just love them? Don't you just always feel those butterflies you felt in the moments you took your vows? You don't consider the effort you are going to have to put into marriage in those moments because you are standing in front of the person who saved your life. You, your family and God are looking into the eyes of the person you swear will never hurt you, the one you will never hurt and thinking, "I Found It." How in the world is it going to be work to love this person who helped me find my purpose?

But then it is. One day you wake up and the chaos of kids, careers, bills and all around life have you pushing that love to it's limits. Then it's work. Little by little, those vows you took on the day your love was so pure, so strong and so amazingly beautiful become a little harder to remember. You go through your day thinking that your present, and that should be enough, they know you love them right? The little things go away, the little looks of desire and nudges of silly flirting, they stop. You can't remember when, and the moment either of you try to bring them back it's as awkward as trying to hold their hand, or kiss them for the first time. But now, there is history behind that fumbled affection. There is the fight about the dishes, the angry words behind that final kiss good night. Marriage isn't work.

Marriage is seeing a love so achingly consuming and beautiful become routine. A wedding-that's beautiful. A Marriage- that's a little more abstract. It's progressive moments of beauty, and learning. Marriage is admitting you were wrong, learning a thousand times over what love isn't and accepting that just being present isn't enough, for either of you. Marriage is chasing dreams, failing life, failing each other, falling asleep next a person that has your whole heart, your future and your every ounce of energy and loving them with every inch of you, but also wanting to scream at them and make sure they know just how hard damn hard some days can be. Marriage is dedication, tears, anger- a never ending learning in love. It's the example we teach our kids. Marriage is learning that you fail that person you swore your unending love to. But also learning how to fix it, how to accept and overcome when they fail you and knowing that you vowed to put in the work- not run when it gets hard. Because you never think it will be hard, you only see the love. Marriage is the hardest promise you will make, there will be days you don't know if you can keep it. Nights you don't sleep because your caught not know either person in the bed you sleep in.



But then, there are days you look around at the beautiful mess around you and Thank God all over again for the person he gave you. The moments of awe that you look at your kids and think, wow, so much love went into making them, and they have no idea. Marriage is hope, love and grace. It's navigating through each day living those vows you made on a day your love was unbreakable, and reminding yourself of them the days you feel broken. So yes, marriage is the most intense labor of love you never think of, but the most important act of selflessness you can achieve. They warn us, that marriage is work. It's up to us to never stop working and never stop loving, In good times, and in bad.

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