I laid in my daughter's bed for a few extra minutes last night and admired the life surrounding me. I thanked God for each giggle her and her brother shared for the day, and for the hand, she routinely lies on my face as she falls asleep. As I covered her up and headed to my son's bedroom I reminded myself how quickly these moments are going by. My son, who I so easily remember as a baby, rest in his bed with his feet hanging over the edge, and I chuckled that he is now half the size of me. I again thanked God for this love and this life we share, wondering how I got so lucky to have a home so full of life and love. I grabbed my husband and asked him if I could have tomorrow's bedtime with our son, as it seems I haven't been able to do that with him lately. He kissed me sweetly on the head and said of course. That moment was the last good moment of the day. I cherished it and stumbled to bed.
Then shit hit the fan.
Oh! You thought this was going to be one of those blogs where we stare in awe of our surroundings, cherish our love and ache for time to stop. Well, yes, it's a little bit that. But it's also a testament to just how fast a woman's mindset will change. I crawled in bed after mine and my husband's moment, I turned on the music and tried to find a comfy position to sleep. One hour of tossing, turning, counting, praying.....thinking and I was still no closer to sleep than I was prior. Only now, I was tiptoeing toward annoyed. Some time passed and I must have fallen asleep because soon I heard the groaning, whining impatience of my dog needing out. "Gunner, go get daddy." Oh, how I wish he understood those words as much as he understands "wanna go play?!" Nope, I HAVE to let him out. Off we go, I needed a drink of water anyway, and I might as well try some sleep spray since I can't seem to do it well on my own. 20 minutes.....20 MINUTES LATER the dog decides it's time to come in. I Crawl back in bed- toss, turn, pray, count, pray, pray, think, pray. Enter husband, who must have been hanging out in an ice box for as cold as he was when he came to bed. Yes, yes let's snuggle because your freezing ass skin makes it that much easier to fall asleep. Turns out it helped. Finally, rest...oh wait, enter kiddo number one. I'll take the snuggles... but why are you crying TJ? YOUR TOE HURTS!? Does it hurt that bad?! Yup, cue the screaming. Lights on, peak at the toe. Nothing. Will some milk help? Oh good.....back to sleep we go....wait for it.....Ella. I think you see where this is going. All night, we tossed, turned and tumbled over each other begging to get even a glimpse of sleep. Just when we would get calmed down- "Mommy, I have to pee. Mommy, my toe. Husband can you get a Kleenex for kid number 2- NO IT HAS TO BE MOMMY WHO PICKS MY BOOGERS!" I actually said out loud- "This might be the night I lose my shit!" Two adults, two kids, two cats and a damn dog in a King Size Bed. I replayed my tender moments with my kids and husband and force-ably reminded myself- these moments are passing and you won't get them back. Even though at this moment you could probably stand a night alone on the couch, you will look back on this night and laugh because what a hot mess we are. What a crazy, beautiful chaotic mountain of snot, coughs, fur and love we are.
I decided this morning when I woke up- still a little annoyed, exhausted from no sleep and curious just how the hell we all fit in this bed- that there is nowhere else I would rather be. This King Size Bed holds my life and all my love. A husband, who has bent over backward to ensure I can rest from the stupid virus that took me out. The father of my children, who despite also being exhausted puts on a happy face and looks at my kids like the hung the moon. My beautiful kids who will never be able to comprehend what it means that they crawl into bed with us. Feet in my face, elbows in my belly boogers on my face, I love it. I love that they crawl into our bed and I hope they always do so. I pray on the days they need advice, laughs or just silence that they always feel so safe with us that they crawl into our bed and let us in their life. Those damn fur babies, that groan and whine when I wiggle my feet a little or bite my toes because they think I am playing. They bring another layer of love to my life that no matter how much I threaten it, I couldn't live without.
So despite the painful night without sleep and the annoyance, I felt every time I had to crawl over legs, arms, whiskers, and tails to get out of bed- I wouldn't trade my king size bed for anything....except maybe a little bigger bed.
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