That's The Thing About Life

I have been struggling with the words to describe the heart wrenching pain we have dealt with this week. The loss of family is something no words can comfort or explain, it's a gaping hole created in your heart that time, nor love, nor hope can fill. It's like the sun goes down on the most beautiful landscape and never rises for us to see again. It's the absence of the light we miss, because without it, we wouldn't have known such beauty.

It's no secret our family has dealt with an enormous amount of heartache and loss over the last two years, and selfishly I have begged the good Lord to cut us some slack. But that's the thing about life. It begins......and it ends. And not on our terms. That's hardest part to accept, we are never ready for goodbye. Even when the beautiful soul we are mourning has had 92 of the most beautiful years a person could ask for. That ache still appears and tears at your every fiber.

If I could describe my grandma in one word it's beauty. She was all the beautiful things you love about the world in one gorgeous blue eyed soul. She taught us about love, and life and all the ways to deal with things when it doesn't go our way. "Give it to God" she'd say, "Everything Happens For a Reason"- and no matter how much you didn't want to believe it, you had to trust it. She was never wrong. When you think about trusting the Lord you probably do it with a bit of hesitation, hoping our selfish wants will persuade him to give us things our way. Not my Grandma. She fully trusted, she fully believed and she portrayed that everyday with prayer and love.

"Precious Moments"

My grandmother never gave up hope that one day she would have the healthy son she always wanted to see in my father, and although that wish only came days before his death- she never gave up on him. She loved him unconditionally through the demons that eventually took him too soon. She lost the love of her life 24 years, nearly to the day, before she was welcomed to heaven. But she never lost hop that she would be with him again.

The hurt she has felt over the last two years of loss deepened her faith, although she would be the first to say she didn't understand the Lord's plan, and sometimes that just made her angry with him. But, she still loved.

The final hours I spent with my grandmother, will forever be my favorite lesson in the life. We lay with her, praying, singing her favorite church songs, clutching the final moments we had with her, thanking the Lord for the time we had. Ninety-Two years she had on this earth, and selfishly it wasn't enough for me. But again, that's the thing about life- these things aren't up to me. "Precious Moments"- is what she would say.

In my life I pray that I leave behind a similar legacy to my family. One of love, faith and hope. One that teaches them just how important family and faith are. The lesson that you can build a lot in 92 years. When my time comes I hope they celebrate the paradise I gain. One that includes the man I spent my life building a family with. One that includes Grand kids, Great Grand Kids and even Great Great Grand kids. A life that proves the Lord has a plan, and it isn't up to us. We have to take it in stride and take in the teachable moments.

We'll keep your memory alive grandma because you taught us all so well. Please, give my dad a hug for me. Tell him I love him, because you and I both know we didn't tell each other that enough. Hug Grandpa. I will never forget you telling me "He always knew you belonged." At ten years old I had no idea what that meant. Now, 24 years later, I understand and you have no idea the comfort that brings my heart. Grandpa, gosh, I can't imagine how happy he is to see you - his blue eyed beauty.

Grandma, please know that we will get through this heartache,

"Slow, But Sure." I love you.